We say that “you’ve got nothing to lose” but when you really want something there is always something feel loss about.
I have to buy notebooks and pens and mechanical pencils tomorrow. Coloraid paper, rubber cement, charcoal, big clean sheets of rag paper, and ten erasers I’ll probably misplace. Return Library books. Drop off a rental application. Move my desk to the other side of the room. Write a check for $1200. First day back to school at 2pm. Mesoamerican Art and Architecture.
Running at the Towson gym. Dinner with Amy.
I don’t handle time off from school or work very well. There are a few people that know this about me, but it usually doesn’t make any sense to anyone else. My self-esteem plummets to zero, I get paranoid about the world, I feel like I don’t have anything to validate my existence and typically spend most of the time hugging my cat, sleeping for 15 hours at a time and crying over what to wear in the afternoon. I used all the energy in my entire body doing someone else’s dishes for the umpteenth time today before dragging my frowny face to work. It was there I saw the pile of textbooks from amazon waiting for me - is it too soon to start reading?
I just got home from work. There’s a loud MICA party next-door with keg stands and pop music. I’m drinking Andre on my sofa while listening to lectures on modern graphic design. My roommate is having an awkward conversation in the kitchen with her ex-boyfriend that usually comes with benefits. Joe is texting me to come to the Windup space. I just miss my best friend. I want to wake up early but I can’t fall asleep.